Filed under: Self Assessment
I recently realized a few things about myself and decided to start an on-going list, just for kicks. Here is my first installment:
1) I laugh (and sometimes speak) very loudly. Considering that I had a really unfortunate smile as a young person and would only laugh, quietly, behind my cupped hand, I am happy to accept this new reality. I find it very amusing, for some reason, that I randomly developed this ability to laugh freely and often.
2) I don’t like to say bad things about other people. Everyone needs to vent, me included, but whenever I get caught up in some sort of gab-fest with other people that involves discussing negative or undesirable aspects of others for sport, it literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. Maybe I AM too nice, but there are worse things to be! As someone who was often on the receiving end of torment growing up, I just don’t understand what people get from this practice.
3) I use too many words. OK – I have always been aware of this fact. Whether in writing or in conversation, I have inherited a special gift for being long-winded. Oh yes, and also for stating the obvious.
4) I over-think everything. I used to have trouble going to sleep at night because my mind would race. I suppose in an effort to rectify this situation – because I LOVE sleeping – I have now shifted my rapid and viral thinking to daytime hours. This is something I am actually trying to change. I know that I devote WAY too much time to trying to UNDERSTAND. Nothing good can come from my tireless review of everyone and everything that I encounter each day.
Filed under: Making Connections
I have something to admit. This is very difficult for me, as I have done something I swore that I would NEVER do … I went on eharmony.com. Now before you misunderstand me, I don’t think there is anything wrong with people who choose to go on these sites. I understand that some people really need or want to be in relationships; and still others just enjoy playing the field, having some fun. I don’t fit into either of these categories. I would like to be in love as much as the next person, I just have a terrible habit of falling into it all alone. Never works. The idea of logging on and hoping to electronically bump into my “soulmate” not only seemed ridiculous, it also seemed like an invitation for further rejection that I’m just not equipped to handle. I guess it was a few weeks ago during a moment of weakness/loneliness that I asked myself, why not? Too many people had been asking me ‘why don’t you have a boyfriend?’ and I figured – alright, I’ll give it a shot! All you have to do is answer some questions (a lot of questions) and see whether or not you share a certain level of compatibility with anyone in the mysterious database. I was not expecting to get actual responses, certainly not so many and so quickly. I figured that I couldn’t turn back now, so I checked out a dozen or so profiles. It didn’t take long for me to get rejection notices from a handful of guys who objected to my profile’s lack of photo (which nonsensically made me feel ugly). And then I got a few requests for the next level of communication – where the potential “love matches” submit questions in an effort to get to know even more about you. I persevered, thinking this might be less awkward than filling out the internet equivalent of a scantron. I was wrong. I ask myself all the time whether, perhaps, something is fundamentally flawed in me. Maybe I am a mutant of some sort who just cannot date successfully, on-line or off. It works for a lot of people, but if this is the only chance I have to get a date, I must fully embrace my “freak of nature” loner-girl status once and for all.
