Jax Attax

I have something to admit.  This is very difficult for me, as I have done something I swore that I would NEVER do … I went on eharmony.com.  Now before you misunderstand me, I don’t think there is anything wrong with people who choose to go on these sites.  I understand that some people really need or want to be in relationships; and still others just enjoy playing the field, having some fun.  I don’t fit into either of these categories.  I would like to be in love as much as the next person, I just have a terrible habit of falling into it all alone.  Never works.  The idea of logging on and hoping to electronically bump into my “soulmate” not only seemed ridiculous, it also seemed like an invitation for further rejection that I’m just not equipped to handle.  I guess it was a few weeks ago during a moment of weakness/loneliness that I asked myself, why not?  Too many people had been asking me ‘why don’t you have a boyfriend?’ and I figured - alright, I’ll give it a shot!  All you have to do is answer some questions (a lot of questions) and see whether or not you share a certain level of compatibility with anyone in the mysterious database.  I was not expecting to get actual responses, certainly not so many and so quickly.  I figured that I couldn’t turn back now, so I checked out a dozen or so profiles.  It didn’t take long for me to get rejection notices from a handful of guys who objected to my profile’s lack of photo (which nonsensically made me feel ugly).  And then I got a few requests for the next level of communication - where the potential “love matches” submit questions in an effort to get to know even more about you.  I persevered, thinking this might be less awkward than filling out the internet equivalent of a scantron.  I was wrong.  I ask myself all the time whether, perhaps, something is fundamentally flawed in me.  Maybe I am a mutant of some sort who just cannot date successfully, on-line or off.  It works for a lot of people, but if this is the only chance I have to get a date, I must fully embrace my “freak of nature” loner-girl status once and for all.