Jax Attax

A friend recently told me that she thought I wasn’t interested in being a participant.  In life, in general.  It was a harsh indictment and I strenuously object to the notion.  However, I take everything people say to heart, at least for a moment.  Perhaps because I was so adamant about being right in my youth, I have decided that maybe I am wrong about a lot of things.  So, I consider - her theory stems from the fact that I plan events for a living.  This allows me to set the scene for other peoples’ enjoyment without having to actively experience it - or so she contends.  I appreciate ideas like this - even when I am not convinced of their validity.  I think I know myself quite well, but there are aspects of one’s own personality, or at least persona, that are hidden from one’s own view.  Understanding those extra little bits can occassionally lead to a revelation.   In my mind, I plan events because I realized that I can do it well, I get paid for it, and I specifically enjoy participating in the party atmosphere.  In this way, I think I plan events BECAUSE I want to participate in life, but I am clumsy at it in a real-life setting.  The truth is that my work-self is consistently at ease, confident, secure, etc.  I have always been comfortable managing my career and ultimately succeeded.  I attribute this to the fact that I don’t really care that much about it.  When you have nothing to lose (except money, of course), there is a huge sense of freedom.  I know that I am on to something here …