Jax Attax

I was watching the Today show this morning and they highlighted a family of four sisters who all turned out to be successful business executives.  I didn’t think this was a marvel of modern society, especially considering that all of the women are well into middle age.  However, I do acknowledge their point about how their parents’ love and support gave them confidence to pursue their goals and ultimately to succeed in life.  I know how lucky I am to have had two parents who have always and will always love me unconditionally.  They always encouraged me and my siblings to do our best and told us that we could achieve anything we put our minds to.  Frankly, it amazes me that two people who got married at 17 and 18 years old were able to raise four children at all.  The fact that we are all fairly well-adjusted, functional members of society is a big deal.  Of course I am biased, but a few simple facts add up to a very important reality for me.  My parents have been married for 33 years and are still together.  My father regularly worked (and still works) two to three jobs to support his family.  My parents would do anything for me and drop everything to come to my aid, if I ever needed it.  They always have my best interests at heart and the lines of communication are always open.  I know how much these things have impacted my life and how important they were in building the foundation of who I am.  I have also seen how a lack of stability in any one of these areas has effected people around me.  I’m not saying that my parents did everything right, but I am very aware of what they tried to do and extremely grateful for everything they did. 

I was chatting with a friend of mine (male) and we were both complaining about our lack of dates.  After the requisite back and forth about why this could be, we both came to the same conclusion.  Though we aren’t in a particular rush, we both want to be married and have a family - someday.  Obviously that’s hard to do when you aren’t meeting other people with the same thought in mind.  And so he proposed a pact, a la My Best Friend’s Wedding - if we are still single at 35, we will marry each other.  The conversation was mostly in jest, but it definitely got me thinking about whether or not I might actually consider such a bizarre proposition.  From my romantic’s perspective, it sounds competely crazy to consider committing your life to someone that you don’t currently and might never love “in that way”.   On the other hand, since the success of a marriage depends so much on the work that goes into it - couldn’t it be that marrying a really good friend isn’t necessarily a totally insane idea?  It would be like an arranged marriage, but we would actually have a say and we’ve known each other for many years.  At this point it is still unimaginable to me, but who can say what will happen over the next 6 years . . .

Is keeping a secret the same as lying? I have been in the position of having secrets kept, supposedly for my benefit, far too many times. When the secret/truth finally came out, as is the inevitable eventuality, of course I was very disappointed and upset. The fact that someone who claimed to care for me would pretend and often conspire to “prevent me from being hurt” is the worst kind of betrayal. People don’t want to admit things to themselves, much less to the people they have erred against. I have more respect for those who choose to take responsibility for their actions and own up to mistakes they have made. I’m no saint and I don’t expect people to be perfect. I am very forgiving - actually to a fault. You would think this would make it easier to be honest with me. The opposite has proven to be true and I’m not sure why. Just one of the many questions on my routine self-evaluation.

Why is it that when a relationship ends  some people respond by saying that they wish they had never met their ex?  This is a phenomenon I have never understood and that I find aggravating.  I’ve seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I don’t think the take away idea from that movie was that we should all go get a lobotomy.  How can anyone expect that everything will be perfect all the time, especially considering that nothing is ever perfect?  And why would the bad times impact your memories of the good times, except to make them more vivid and meaningful?  I just can’t see how your love for someone can either suddenly disappear or be so conditional.  Granted, I haven’t been in a relationship in nearly eight years (no gasping, please).   I remember the agony of breaking up and feeling like life would not go on.  And though I found myself wishing that the outcome could have been different, I never would have wanted to erase the knowledge and memory of the person I loved or the time that we shared.  Knowing that the happy-love-thing was once possible for me only makes me more optimistic about the idea of love, in general. 

I was chatting with some friends last night about the state of the common relationship, the general lack of interest in/fear of commitment and the cold, hard reality that many people don’t want to have families anymore.  Noting the rate of divorce and the many prominent examples of child-rearing mistakes, it is no wonder that one might feel intimidated and wind up disillusioned.  For those of us who refuse to embrace the cynics agenda, the implications are distressing.  I have no burden of a self-imposed timeline, but I am one of the “old-fashioned” few that actually would like to have kids someday, or at least one.  The reality is that I could end up having to make the choice to do so on my own.  I suppose I am lucky (or some might say crazy) to believe that I would be okay with that, though it wouldn’t be my first choice.  I just wonder how much further away from the family ideal society will get.